What Makes a Family? Sharing My Manuscript on Marriage Equality

(If you are having trouble seeing the pictures in email, click to go directly to The Pithy Python)

Over the past two years, I have worked with my friend Tamara on a nonfiction book about gays and lesbians. When Tamara approached me, she asked if I knew any good books on the topic for children.

I pointed out the handful of picture books that I use regularly with all grades, including And Tango Makes Three, the true story of a pair of male penguins in the Central Park Zoo who successfully raise a chick. This one frequently tops the American Library Association's list of most frequently challenged books--ie., one that people try to remove from libraries. That's all well and good, said Tamara, but we need one with real people.

Over time, our focus moved to an explanation of the issues surrounding marriage equality, aka gay marriage. We gathered photos from families and teachers at school, featuring familiar faces (and a few stock online images) to make it clear that we all know someone who is homosexual. We also worked hard to develop language that would explain the national conversation in terms that children in 4th-6th grade could understand. Then, this fall, I took a deep breath and began: I read the book aloud to all our upper elementary classes, clarifying terms and inviting discussion.

Me: I'm kind of nervous presenting this. Not because it's about gays and lesbians, but because I'm one of the authors. I don't know how it will go.
A 6th grade girl: It'll go fine. You'll see. We'll love it. You can do it!

A selection of student responses:

• What is a lesbian? I've heard that word.
• I heard kids saying "fag" sometimes when I was at sleepaway camp. What is that?
• But "gay" really means "happy."
• When people say "That's so gay," they're just saying something is stupid. They don't really mean about gay people.
• You said a family lives in a single household, but my mom lives in Pennsylvania.
• Are you gay? Are you a lesbian? Then why are you teaching us about this?
• My church teaches that it is wrong and against God.
• Do you think Georgia will change its laws the way that New York did?
  
• Some of our neighbors are gay and they have the nicest house and the nicest yard and they make great cookies. There's nothing wrong with them.
• My church says it is bad, but my aunt is gay, and once when I was eating lunch with her at a restaurant, people at a nearby table said mean things about her.
• How do you know if you are gay?
• It makes me so mad that kids get picked on because they have two moms. President Obama should change the law.
  
• Thanks for telling us about gay. I never talked about it before.

In the following weeks, two parents thanked me for introducing the topic, saying they were able to discuss it with their children. Do parents have any idea how much joy they give when they let a teacher know they appreciate a lesson? I was glad that none of the parents whose children had religious concerns came in to complain. And I teared up when I found that one child had put a comment in my idea box: "Read Natalie's gay and lesbian book to every class." Now Tamara and I need to radically revise, update and get the guts to send it to publishers. Maybe we'll send it to Rick Santorum too.


photos by Mistuh Will from the collection Rainbow Pi Presents a Celebration of Families.