Pain and Wonder

In a touching interview on NPR a few weeks ago, 83 year-old Maurice Sendak spoke of his latest book, which he worked on while caring for his longtime partner, Eugene Glenn, who died of lung cancer in 2007.

"When I did Bumble-ardy, I was so intensely aware of death," he says. "Eugene, my friend and partner, was dying here in the house when I did Bumble-ardy. I did Bumble-ardy to save myself. I did not want to die with him. I wanted to live as any human being does.... Bumble-ardy was a combination of the deepest pain and the wondrous feeling of coming into my own. And it took a long time. It took a very long time."

Adults are sometimes surprised to realize that some of the best children's literature is, at its core, about death. Goodnight Moon is obliquely about death, as the little bunny reassures himself that he will not die before he wakes, invoking object permanence with himself as the central object. Nana Upstairs & Nana Downstairs, Charlotte's Web, A Bridge to Terabithia and Tuck Everlasting, to name just a few masterpieces, deal sensitively and powerfully with mortality. As I have noted before in this blog, children need to hear stories of love, loss and survival long before they experience loss. This mental rehearsal, through books, helps a child know in advance that he or she may face the loss of a beloved pet or aged relative. By showing that these kinds of losses can be endured, the child can say, "I know I will be okay." And by reading such stories, a child can grow in empathy and compassion.

"Deepest pain combined with the wondrous feeling of coming into my own..."
I was blessed to spend the last week with my mother-in-law during the final days of her life. I was able to tell her how much she inspired me for the past 32 years with her wisdom; I thanked her for making me feel like a good parent; I told her I can only hope to be as kind as she; and I told her many times how much I loved her. I am filled with pain and wonder. May her memory be a blessing forever.

Elayne Polly Bernstein, 1924-2011